Featuring DJ Zoe

Helloooooooooo!

Welcome at last to my very own page on the brand spanking new Funny Girls web site (that's me on the right in case you were wondering!).

As most of you know, we have now moved to a bigger and better venue, the old Odeon building. I can remember seeing ‘Grease’ eleven times in one week there, I think I was aged about three.

Who would have thought that some years later I would be entertaining on the huge erection in the all-new Funny Girls, everything done in style. On the opening night we even had midgets to serve the shrimp cocktail !! 

It was so busy opening night too. I was really quite nervous. The only time I spoke before to an audience that big was when I said ‘Not guilty’!

My first memory of the Odeon was my Granny taking me to see ‘Bambi’, in the stalls with my Kia-Ora waiting for a quiet bit in the film so I could loudly slurp the last bit. I remember a bloke sat next to me and all he did all the way through the film was moan and groan. When the interval came on I thought I would strike up a conversation. “Where are you from” I asked, “the balcony” he replied.

I did most of my courting in the Odeon, although I wasn’t as stunning as I am now. In those days I was the girl boys took to the cinema when they wanted to see the picture. It was very depressing. I used to go home wearing the same lipstick I went out in.

I recall going home from the Odeon one night any my Mum asked how it was. “Awful, I had to change seats five time”. “Did some chap bother you ?” she asked. “yes, eventually” I replied.

A big event for Betty and myself was our appearance on the ‘Weakest Link’ drag queen special. What a hoot ! Having driven through the night after finishing the show at FG’s, no sleep’ had to be in full costume and make-up for 8.45am at the TV studio (excuse the pun). I’m no happy bunny when I am tired. Then having to face Ann Robinson, my God ! NO wonder when she asked me if I was having a bad hair day I replied, “It used to be worse than this, it used to be ginger”. That shut her up ! If every woman looked like Ann Robinson, there would be a lot more Poofs ! (She was lovely really).

To all the people who have asked me how it felt when Betty voted me off after I had been the strongest link ? Well I had two choices, either pout and sulk or get on with it. So I did what anyone would do, pouted and sulked. Betty did say she would buy me something big from her winning, and she did. She bought me a Big Mac and fries at the motorway services.

It took us nearly eight hours to get home to Blackpool. We broke down at the service station. We hailed another motorist to give us a hand. “I’m sorry” said the bloke “but I’m a chiropodist” “In that case” I said “you can give us a tow” !! (You can groan now).

We got it going eventually, Betty’s car is designed for five people, one to drive and four to push. (If you want to see pictures of Betty and me on the Weakest Link, log on to www.djzoe.com) 

Funny Girls has its fair share of blokes trying to chat me up in the strangest of ways. Recently, one came up to me on the DJ box and said “The names Bond”, “Not James Bond” I said – “No, Uni-bond. I’m here to fill your crack” !! Well it worked for me, but I bet by the time we had finished he’d wished he had changed his name to ‘Universal filler’. “Do you think my body’s dynamite ?” he asked. “Possibly “ I replied, “but it’s a shame its got such a short fuse”.

I suppose I should stick to my husband, but the only thing we have in common is that we were both married on the same day. They say marriage is a fine institution, but who want to live in an institution ? He took me on a seven course meal for my birthday, a burger and a six-pack. My friends say my baby looked like his father then they turned him the right way up. I think we may have to get a divorce. He can’t stand me when I’m drunk and I can’t stand him when I’m sober.

Well folks, that’s enough from me for this time. Enjoy the show and don’t forget, mines a white wine.

Ta-rah for now.

Love Zoe xxxx

ps. Why not send me a request for the next time you come to Funny Girls and I'll do my best to play it for you. Or you could send a text to 07786 200 455. Please include the word 'Zoe' before your message.